THE DEER
elija j. b rotermund
It was in the ides of June.
After the red sun had set,
Leaving just the light of moon,
After all demands were met, I
was left in silent gloom.
Spending every single day
Fighting on in cold routines
Never failed to leave me drained,
Trying still to hold the seams By
convincing me to stay.
Staying can be quite the chore
When you start to see the cracks
In your daily action’s core, Left
bereft of what you lack, Asking
what you’re fighting for.
Kept awake at night by such wild musings In
this hot and humid night of June.
Not by my free will, nor my own choosing,
But by Providence’s melted dunes, I
decided to begin pursuing
What my instincts had forbidden me.
Being guided by determination
To the woods’ most mangled, hidden tree,
Which has long been in my observation In
this contemplation-ridden sea.
Feeling shame and calm and guilt and fear,
Blinded by the deafening moonlit darkness,
I was heading there to end the here And to
rest in God’s inviting lark’s nest. I felt then
that something else was near;
​
Standing there, I saw a stoic deer.
Seeing me, it strangely was not startled.
Seeing it, my plans and actions halted,
Never have I thought it could occur
That such majesty in golden fur Could
accept my kind without reproach,
Would not move, nor flee when I approached. Oh,
with what have I deserved to face
Such pure beauty, goodness and such grace?
Looking deep into its soothing eyes
Which in my disturbed soul gave rise
To a sense of calm and understanding,
Rather than to cycles of lamenting,
I could fight against some of my doubts And
accept its grace to then reach out
My rough hands towards the deer’s proud head.
Still, the deer seemed not to mind my gall It
was happy just to catch my fall.
My eternal loving gratitude
For this creature’s caring attitude
Made me also wonder what it means
If this wise, strong deer that I have seen
Shows some genuine concern and care For
a person that is not as fair.
​
At this moment, I began to ponder, If
the deer just maybe may be right;
Right to love me in this blue-hued night.
Then, I started growing slightly fonder Of
my person and the life they’re leading.
Now I start to see the deer’s good presence
In my life, within its very essence. Never
did I know it had been heeding My well-
being for so long, for ages.
It is constant all throughout life’s changes.
SO MUCH LOVE
A person on a walk with their dear pet,
Somebody lighting candles for the dead,
Some youngsters helping out an older person,
Those saving trapped ones in the depths uncertain,
An artist moving others with their art,
Two lovers tending to each others’ heart,
An ice cream-server putting smiles on children,
The ones who see the empty spots and fill them,
A deer just grazing on a luscious field,
A moth enjoying her small bloody meal,
The birds who fill the skies with songs of comfort,
All creatures, great and small in nature’s concord,
The plants and fungi filling life with life,
The stars above who give us hope and light,
My friends, those loving, kind and honest persons
Who do not leave despite how much I hurt them;
​
I carry so much love for all of them In
my heart.
Life - with all her actors - is filled to the brim
With beauty and art.
I love these humans, plants and works of nature
With every fibre of my being Every
bit of goodness, minor or major, I will
be seeing.
Seeing as there’s hardly anything I do not love, I
often have to ask myself:
How can anybody start to love
Me if even I can’t love myself?
WHAT WAS CAN BE AGAIN
It feels like a betrayal,
Your leaving me behind
Without an explanation.
The thoughts that crossed my mind
As soon as I stopped hearing
From you, my trusted friend,
Grew louder in your silence.
Did you start to resent
My endless, warm compassion?
Or did you start to fear
The bond that we were forming?
Could you not let me near
As you saw horrid visions
Of everything we built
And had just started building
Soon shattering in guilt? Like
Oedipus of fables,
Attempting to prevent
The fate you saw approaching,
You put a sudden end
To our beloved exchanges
And thus, the very fate
That you had started dreading
Became our current state.
​
But we can still be hopeful.
Not everything is lost. This
broken state of friendship It
does not have to last. All that
we have created Can be
rebuilt anew.
The knife that keeps on twisting,
Thrust in my back by you, It
needs not stay forever. You can
still pull it out;
All wounds would then be mended.
I understand your doubt, But trust
in our potential.
I would like nothing more
Than to forgive your error.
I want to open doors,
I want to sense your presence. A
single word from you
And all would be forgiven.
Have faith, we can push through
This crisis of our friendship.
On two ends of this globe
We simply found each other, So
there remains some hope.
I am a young German poet (and musician). As a genderqueer and asexual person with a history of severe mental health-issues on the one hand and a Catholic Christian invested in my theological studies on the other hand, I’ve gained a quite unique worldview, which is reflected in my poetry. Whereas most modern poetry tends to be quite free-form, I frequently utilise more traditional approaches to poetic metre, rhyme-schemes, etc.; for me, these (at times rigid) restrictions breed creativity and allow me to use form as a stylistic device - e.g. by subverting the established form in the course of the poem. My works tend to focus on themes of loss, self-doubts and deep platonic love. I hope that others will feel seen and moved by my works.