VOID

/void/

completely empty space

​

I don't know when I started to think that void should be black, that it should be dark. Was it because the void is empty? Or did I think void is sad and sadness is supposed to be dark?

​

It's completely unknown to me why I started to think that there's a void inside me that I have to fill. Completely clueless of what I should do, I tried everything just to fill that empty space— I tried every hobby I could have access to, I talked to every different person I met, not knowing that it would eventually fill itself, one by one.

​

May 24, 2023, I bought a canvas and brushes hoping that I'll use them as soon as I'm out of my painting slump—I can't paint anything for weeks now. I don't want to force it, but I did anyway.

​

Completely enticed by the fact that I have new brushes and canvas, my fear of blank canvas was overshadowed but as soon as I faced it, I was again slapped by the truth that I'm scared that the canvas will still be the same when I paint it—I'm not satisfied.

 

Wanting to fight that fear, I started to search for references and ideas. As soon as I saw one, I grabbed the chance and started to paint, not minding the fear of being unsatisfied with my own art.

​

I had fun. I was having fun, then it came to me, that empty space—the void is being filled. Maybe it was small, a very little space was filled, but it was filled, a part of void was.

​

That's when I realized, I didn't need to force it, I didn't need to try so hard to fill it, I just needed courage—Courage to face things I was scared of, to not be scared of my own void and as I'm writing this, I'm facing my fear of the blank page, the fear of failing to write anything. I am again filling a space of my void.

​

I have empty space and it's mine.

​

Maybe your void is blue or black, it could be pink too. My void?

​

My void is white and I'm painting it.